The past few days have been the usual chaos of a family of five. Bluebird is so helpful, yesterday she helped me unload the dishwasher (she likes to put away all the silverware), she helped me make our laundry detergent, and she helped me put away all of the Halloween decorations.
What would I do without her?!
So...that is the gist of my evening and it sounds so sweet. And those few moments were. They were moments where we smiled and laughed and thought about how great it was to be a mom and a wife and live the best life on earth.
What is left out is the madness inbetween. Usually, I think we all leave these out of our conversations and blogs. Truly, only people who are mentally ill constantly devulge the ugly details of their lives.
I am not mentally ill (at least I don't think so)...but today, I feel like I must be honest and say that many times, the inbetween moments are complete madness.
My husband would say I bring this on myself. I did not need to take down the Halloween decorations, I do not need to put up Thanksgiving decor, I do not need to make my own laundry detergent (even though homemade is the best)....
So, husband is right...I do take more on than I need to. I try to do everything. I want to make cakes for the kids and get the "volunteer family hours" into the school so my kids can put their handprints on the wall (only to find out that Boy refused to put his hand in paint, ha).
I would love to say I could do more if I didn't work...and I probably could. But the truth is...I have found no one who has a smooth morning. Everyone seems to be chaotically trying to get kids dressed, fed and out the door and even the stay at home mom's seem to be having trouble making sure that breakfast is healthy and protien packed.
I try to make sure I am dressed before the kids get up. But guess what, we are still leaving 10 minutes behind my preferred schedule.
I try to make sure lunches and backpacks are packed the night before. Guess what? Still behind schedule.
I try to make sure clothes are laid out the night before. Including shoes, socks and underwear. Guess what? Still behind schedule.
I love dropping kids off at early stay, but we are never early enough. I love to get to work early and drink coffee before patients arrive, but I am always rushing through the door just in time.
I cannot say we are late, but we are not as early as I would idealize.
I idealize a life where things run smoothly and the house is always clean and I do not have a laundry basket with hundreds of mismatched socks...seriously, where do all these socks come from? Where is the basket of matches hiding?
I idealize a life where kids eat eggs and smoothies for breakfast and that they are grateful and happy to do so.
I idealize a life where the house is always clean and laundry isn't piling up by the mounds.
I idealize a life where I always read my bookclub book and can always have time to sit with friends and wine and discuss it.
I idealize a life where I am never trying to figure out where the next dollar is coming from.
Seriously Moms...why is it that if we decide one night to take a break and leave the house a mess...that it takes another week of hassle to get things back in order? If we don't do a load of laundry each day, how is it possible that we then can hardly breath trying to catch up.
I wake early and I work until the kids are in bed. It does not stop. It never stops. I am exhausted.
I can downsize, I can decrease hours, I can clean out closets...but it just keeps the madness manageable, it doesn't decrease the madness.
In cancer treatments we call it "local control". I feel like in my life, I am always just trying to control the madness.
In cancer treatments, that is considered successful therapy.
But in cancer treatments, death is also an acceptable outcome.
But of course, preferrable is always remission or cure.
I want to ask for advice, and I also want to hear from more mom's like me.
Because, I do not just think this is my life, I think this is life. Life as WE know it.
What is your life like?
If it is a life like mine, how do you keep from being a raging bitch to all of those you love?