Many people choose to make major life changes one day at a time...I have somehow accidentally made a lifetime of major life changes, ALL at ONCE!
We have so many changes, all for the most part Good changes, but all happening at once and pushing and stretching me further than I have ever been pushed or stretched. Its hit and miss on how I am handling it all.
ON our recent move to Kansas, with all of our belongings in a 20 ft U Haul and on top of our cars, there was a moment about 3 hours from our final destination when I seriously felt that I could not go another inch. I just wanted to pull over to the side of the road and stay there forever.
Have you ever felt that way in life?
I did at this point.
It wasn't just the driving and the absolute exhaustion from 3 days of travel with four children, a dog and a cat and a flat tire which left us at a truck stop for 5 hours, and the absurdity of having a dog crate tied to the top of my mini van, filled with items, as well as a slide and a tire swing and a red wagon....following my husband who was driving a U Haul towing the Volvo which had all the kids bikes and our bar stools strapped to the top....
It was more than that.
It was leaving behind a great job w great co-workers and fabulous patients...a job that you felt you were really doing something valuable, and headed towards the unknown.
It was about moving very far from all of my family and friends...further than a day trip and further than a weekend trip and further than a mini vacation...I would no longer be "on the way" to anything...I would truly have moved days away from all of my people.
It was being frightened about what financial burdens might await w/ the high cost of living that comes with this particular college town. Its actually quite shocking.
It was having to leave behind more than half of my furniture and belongings. I border on hoarding tendencies. I certainly knew a day lay ahead when I sincerely wanted to pare things down and live more simply, but this wasn't exactly the time I had in mind. Especially without being able to immediately replace many of the items.
It was moving to a house I had never seen. One much smaller and older than our previous home, where the unknown awaited us.
It was having to find schools, and doctors, and dentists and therapists and a church and friends and a job and a couch and a bedroom suite and a lawn mower and a babysitter and childcare and and and and and.....
I just wanted to pull over and sit on the side of the road and cry, forever....
But, obviously, though that almost seemed rational, it isn't. Even if I had pulled over...I still had 3 hours to go. And after that, I still had to keep moving forward. Life doesn't stop because I feel overwhelmed or tired...the kids still need to be fed and the house still needs to be cleaned and the bills still need to be paid....so I just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming.
I decided today that it had been too long since I blogged, and that I feel this new journey is worth blogging about. Because i'ts about changing. It's about figuring out how to reach your goals and really defining which goals are actually the important ones. I don't know the answers and I don't know where I will end up in this journey...and I know I'll go through many life lessons along the way...but I know, no matter what, I will be better because of it all.
Beautiful. :) and I like that you don't have the answers, because neither do I and I guess we all just keep swimming sometimes. -AprilReplyDelete