for so many weeks I blogged about pain, about fear, about faith, about hope...and now...well, I still have all of those things, but the feelings are no longer as intense, and it is as if the end of the journey occurred and its a lot less climactic.
I prefer it that way. I prefer the boring life that doesn't have the constant fear and worry that my life was consumed with only a few weeks ago.
A sleeping baby lying across my body is a much better feeling. And I am so grateful...but I am not sure how often I must say it. How often must I shout that I give Him all the glory. If I don't say it, does it mean I don't feel it. No.
Its a weird feeling...life goes on and I have this amazing blessing, and I am still at the point where I take almost every opportunity to tell Auggie's story...but at the same time...life goes on...and how many times does a person tell it. Once a minute, a day, a week, a year.
If I were being truthful, I would say that I don't know what to do with this amazing story.
His life...does he owe more than the rest of us? That's a lot of pressure to put on a wee boy
I think back and say...if we had only had the 16 week ultrasound and never had the one at 19 weeks...we would have never known about the hydrops...and yet, it is likely it would have still resolved and we would never have even known what a miracle he is.
In truth...I wonder if I would have preferred it that way.
I know that this journey changed me and inspired many...I also learned a lot about myself and my faith and my relationships...it was a journey worth taking, for sure...but one must admit that sometimes ignorance is bliss...a lot of pain and worry and financial security would have been spared had we never known...
I now just feel like I need to figure out what the reason for it all was?
I hope somehow his story can offer hope to the hopeless...but will his story change their outcome...at the very least it may encourage people to being willing to face their fears and go on the journey...even when the outcome is unknown.
Was that why?
Did God challenge my faith? Did He want me to meet new people, reconnect with old ones? Was it to remind us of the power of prayer? Was it to remind us all of the fragility of life? The blessings of a child?
Am I to write a book? Am I to March of Dimes? Advocate for research?
I don't know yet. I know that Auguste's story touched many and that I am not the only person who has been amazed by his life...
Maybe this story is his and not mine at all...
I guess the story continues ...and we all continue with it....