for so many weeks I blogged about pain, about fear, about faith, about hope...and now...well, I still have all of those things, but the feelings are no longer as intense, and it is as if the end of the journey occurred and its a lot less climactic.
I prefer it that way. I prefer the boring life that doesn't have the constant fear and worry that my life was consumed with only a few weeks ago.
A sleeping baby lying across my body is a much better feeling. And I am so grateful...but I am not sure how often I must say it. How often must I shout that I give Him all the glory. If I don't say it, does it mean I don't feel it. No.
Its a weird feeling...life goes on and I have this amazing blessing, and I am still at the point where I take almost every opportunity to tell Auggie's story...but at the same time...life goes on...and how many times does a person tell it. Once a minute, a day, a week, a year.
If I were being truthful, I would say that I don't know what to do with this amazing story.
His life...does he owe more than the rest of us? That's a lot of pressure to put on a wee boy
I think back and say...if we had only had the 16 week ultrasound and never had the one at 19 weeks...we would have never known about the hydrops...and yet, it is likely it would have still resolved and we would never have even known what a miracle he is.
In truth...I wonder if I would have preferred it that way.
I know that this journey changed me and inspired many...I also learned a lot about myself and my faith and my relationships...it was a journey worth taking, for sure...but one must admit that sometimes ignorance is bliss...a lot of pain and worry and financial security would have been spared had we never known...
I now just feel like I need to figure out what the reason for it all was?
I hope somehow his story can offer hope to the hopeless...but will his story change their outcome...at the very least it may encourage people to being willing to face their fears and go on the journey...even when the outcome is unknown.
Was that why?
Did God challenge my faith? Did He want me to meet new people, reconnect with old ones? Was it to remind us of the power of prayer? Was it to remind us all of the fragility of life? The blessings of a child?
Am I to write a book? Am I to March of Dimes? Advocate for research?
I don't know yet. I know that Auguste's story touched many and that I am not the only person who has been amazed by his life...
Maybe this story is his and not mine at all...
I guess the story continues ...and we all continue with it....
When my Mom discovered she was pregnant with me (#4!) they said to her, ohhhh Mrs. Donohue this one you shouldn't prepare for, you're not going to be able to carry this pregnancy. Apparently I was not only attached exxxtreeeemely low but was also placenta previa. They told her to go home to bed and wait for the miscarriage. Having 3 other kids at home ages 3-7 she said she knew that bed rest was NOT going to happen. So she modified her routine (no lifting etc) and prayed the rest of the 9 months out. 4 days to her due date her water broke, and I was born my c-section which almost took her life.
ReplyDeleteMy parents told me all the time - and often that I was meant to be here, for God had a plan for me as he had carried me through the pregnancy and saved my Mom. (of course I didn't know the surgery part until I was MUCH older since they didn't want me to think I'd almost killed my Mom!) So - as the child who grew up knowing she was a "miracle baby" I say tell it often and let him know how amazing his arrival is and clearly God has great plans for him!
I think this story is multifaceted. Auguste's birth gave hope to the hopeless, strengthened or rekindled the faith of many, demonstrated the power of prayer, reminded us of our duty as parents to fight for our children, both in the womb and out, to see the generous hearts of others, the list could go on for pages. God will show you what to do with the miraculous story, after all, He wrote it, and He has a plan for it!
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