Monday, December 17, 2012

31 weeks

Todays appointment went well. It was nice to have Mickey there with me again. Auguste's little lungs looked good. It has been a while since Mickey has seen them, so for him, it was remarkable improvment. Dr.Dillinger feels they look even better than they did two weeks ago before I left for CHOP. His abdomen is measuring 35 weeks and 5 days, which is not concerning as far as distress at birth, but still perplexing and unclear if it will still resolve or what is actually going on.

Dr. Dillinger did mention that he could not say for sure if any fluid was actually inside the lung tissue, which would cause pulmonary edema, and I had not heard much regarding that yet, so I have some research to do tonight.

I then met with Dr. Twedt, who is wonderful as usual. She once again encouraged me to go to CHOP for delivery and even said that if she were in my situation, that is where she would go as well, which was reassurring.

I also still don't know what we will face after he is born, and I am feeling confident he will live, but I still struggle with not knowing what struggles he will face.

Please pray that his sweet body continues to reabsorb fluid, that his lungs will have proper function when born, and that the ascites will continue to resolve over the coming weeks.

As for the rest of us, I have returned to work and am happy to give the "hydrop obsession" a reprieve. However, I do miss picking kids up from school and our afternoons together. As well as my days with sweet Em. That girl is a mess. She has begun changing out of her pajams every evening after we put her to bed. Tonight she came down in a backward shirt with one hand holding up a pair of Eliot's shorts. Today Oliver developed a fever at school and Mickey went to pick him up. He was sleeping in his teachers lap, which I found so sweet and comforting. The doctor checked both Ollie and Ellie for flu and both were negative, but will still need a few days to rest up. I hope I can get them back soon for their Christmas week events.

This is a busy week and I am just going to do my best to get as many of the things I hoped to accomplish complete prior to the weekend. I have an old friend visiting this weekend and don't want to have too many things on my plate at that time.

Truly, I have so much to say...but really, with all the events of late, feel overwhelmed with the many thoughts and emotions. However, I will say, when people ask where God is during tragedies, or even in cases of sick children, etc...I feel that I see him everywhere. I see him in the people who come to support. I have seen so much love from expected and unlikely places since we found out about hydrops. I see a world currently mourning together and sending so much love to the families in Connecticut. I know we live in a broken world...but God is so many places to be seen...all you have to do is look around and you will see him in the faces of your neighbors, in the faces or your co-workers, patients, friends, acts of charity, in acts of prayer, in acts of sweet drawings  by children, in music, and in everything beautiful and real in this world.

I truly believe there is much more good in this world than bad. I truly truly believe it and I hope that one day, there will not be trails of separation that keep that love from flowing all the time, and not just as reactions to specific events.

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