Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Deeper Truth

Today has been filled with such a calming peace for me. Last night I fell asleep quite early, and I woke up in the night and looked at my phone for election results, and then crept downstairs to watch the speech, which is kind of a tradition of mine. I always like the speeches. I sat and watched, a little teary, and suddenly Boy was sitting in his jammies beside me wondering what I was doing. I let him know how the election ended and that now I am listening to the speech. He listened as well, maybe dozed, and I was filled with a sense of pride as I watched fellow Americans joining together with dreams of peace and love and community. I have so many dreams for this little boy who was sitting beside me, for the one snuggled INSIDE me and for the two little girls who were sleeping in their beds upstairs, and as I listened to that beautiful speech, I was proud for our country, and our future, and that Oliver was sitting beside me experiencing this little bit of history with me.

Then we went back upstairs and I prayed for the president and the challenged he faces, I prayed for his opponent, because I am always pretty sensitive to anyone's disappointment. I prayed for my family and I prayed for Auguste.
So many prayers for our baby boy.

As I moved through my day today, I was reminded of so many ways the Lord works. So many mysterious ways. I thought of my friendship with Beth. 15 years ago we happened to be paired on a mission, and we thoroughly enjoyed our experience, as tough as it often was, and we grew to respect one another then, and that respect continued, even though we haven't seen one another since a few months following that trip. There are very few people I would feel comfortable staying with for weeks at a time, but with Beth, it just didn't feel weird at all. We just picked up where we left off, and once again learned from each other and grew a little more in each others company. It just seems unlikely that this particular friend happened to live 20 miles outside of the city that I need to be in for extended amounts of time. Its as if it was planned, even then...15 years ago in Nicaragua.

In June my company merged with a local hospital and with that came challenges, many financial. This hospital offered several insurance plans, all good, but all much more costly than what I was previously paying. Mickey and I are on a tight budget and the idea of taking a substantial pay cut due to higher insurance prices, etc. was a point of concern. I was torn, but for some reason, after much discussion, we decided to go with the higher priced plan and we even decided to put the maximum amount possible into flexible spending and short term disability. We just figured that we could always change it later, but that maybe it would be in our best interest, even though we never expected worse case scenario. I actually told Mickey that if we had leftover flex pay, that I would get my eyes laser-ed. Of course, that won't be happening, and certainly there are still many additional expenses, etc. But the situation could have been much harder, and I feel amazed that the decisions we made but were unconvinced of, have made a huge difference in our lives.

There are many other "little things" and "small decisions" that have turned out to make big differences and seemed to prepare us for this journey. I realize that God is present even in our small decisions, and that He guides us in unexpected ways, but that there is a plan.

I have always been a seeker of truth and many times this has led me to question faith, question God. I have always been the type of person who needed a deeper understanding, never content with the simplistic. It led me to study theology and other great thinkers, sometimes finding answers and more times than that, finding new questions. Yet, I often surprise myself with the way that my trials seem to draw me even closer to finding those truths and my faith grows even stronger and I see God revealed within those struggles. That is one of the most amazing things about our God to me. Sometimes truth is cloaked and hidden for the seekers to find if they are willing to look. In our darkest hours, we see His light revealed and are reminded that He is in control, and that no matter how the story ends, it is all in the plan.

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